left unsaid
by jfiggaz
Summary: Sex, love, whatever...the life is complicated when you not sure what you want. Jane/Maura
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I do not own anything but the story. These characters belong to some other people. This is set during "Sympathy for the Devil". Enjoy**

Jane woke up covered in sweat, her black t-shirt clung to her damp skin like static. "Nightlight on," she halfheartedly chuckled as she wiped the sweat from her dark brows. The broken vase in her kitchen sent eerie shivers down her spine. The detective inhaled deeply and reluctantly press the number five on her speed dial. She didn't offer a hello but simply whimpered "Nightmares."

"Nightlight on," Maura sighed as she fed Bass a British strawberry. She had anticipated the call since Jane uttered those words in the morgue. The doctor grabbed her keys, Birkin bag, and her crimson overcoat and hopped into her black Mercedes. She'd been making the short drive from Brookline to Jane's Charlestown apartment because of nightmares for over two years now. Maura had been the chief ME in Boston for less than year, when Hoyt pinned Jane to the floor in that basement. In those short ten months, they had become close friends, infatuated with oddities they found in one another and the merging of their polar opposite worlds. She wasn't shocked when weeks after the incident Jane called with night terrors and had prepared to help her friend through the post-traumatic stress.

Mainly they talked about everything from politics and science to which way the toilet paper should hang. Sometimes they sat in silence, as the laid in Jane's bed watching the plastic stars; Jane had glued to her roof, fade from green into the darkness. There were moments when they watched classic comedies like _The Odd Couple _or _Big_. Those first few months were sweet and innocent, Maura occasionally wished it could be that way again.

Jane was on her second beer while she waited for Maura. "Fuck," she thought. Jane loathed nothing more than being terrified with the overwhelming sensation of helplessness. Maura was the only one who knew the gravity of her nightmares. How she could wake up soaked in sweat, so much that she drenched the sheets or how she would sometimes uncontrollably shake like an epileptic. Maura kept her secret, never judged her and made sure she was always there.

Unfortunately, the last eighteen months had been complicated. "Sex, love, and whatever," the pair simultaneously thought. Maura gripped the steering wheel a little harder and Jane clenched her longneck between her teeth. A year and a half ago they had one the most disturbing and hardest cases, a child pornography ring with smuggled immigrant children. They had a body count of ten, some where floaters or found in garbage dumps but the last two Jane witnessed their throat being slashed.

"Nightlight on," Jane sighed as the murders flashed before her eyes. For two weeks after that case, she didn't sleep much and she didn't call. The detective pushed everyone away including the blond ME that had been her salvation. After a fortnight, Maura couldn't stand aside any longer as she watched the dark circles around her friend's eye grow, along with her tab at the Robber. Maura used her key on a unassuming Tuesday night; Jane was face down on her hardwood floors, silent, as Nirvana's unplugged album played in the background.

Jane never heard the door open but she heard when Maura turned down the music and started singing. "Come as you are, as you were, as I want you to be. As a friend, as a friend, as old enemy,"Maura's voice cracked because of tears streaming down her face.

"Take your time, hurry up, the choice is yours don't be late. Take a rest, as friend, as an old memoriam," Jane continued. "Why'd you cut off the music?"

"I want to know why you've cut off your life? Why are you brooding, in the dark, on a cold floor to the music of a man who committed suicide? You did your job Jane. You brought monsters to justice," Maura stated.

"I should have saved Lei-Peng and Pilar. Korsak was on time, I was half a minute too late. That fucking reinforced steel door, if they'd moved the battering ram just a little quicker," Jane cried "Come doused in mud, soaked in bleach, as I want you to be," Jane sung.

Maura had slipped off her heels, crossed her legs beneath her, and settled next to Jane. "How long do you plan to be despondent and submerged in despair? I'm tired of this and I miss you. I don't expect you to be a hundred percent, unblemished or not cracked after this case. I need you to try to make an effort and not let this destroy you, us," Maura whispered. She flipped Jane onto her back, so she could see her eyes even if it was in the dimness of the streetlight. Maura kissed Jane's forehead, then her cheeks, then her lips.

Their first kiss was soft and sweet like two adolescents sharing a kiss over spun bottle.

The second kiss dripped with passion. Jane leaped off the floor, pinned Maura down, as she forcefully inserted her tongue in doctor's mouth. Maura pushed back with her lips and bite Jane's lower lip as she tangled her fingers in the brunette's curls. Not one word was spoken between the pair. Jane scooped Maura off of the floor and laid the doctor, in her bed.

Jane slid off Maura's silk dress and her own t-shirt and slacks. The detective slipped her fingers beneath the doctor's black lace panties and rolled them down with precision. Maura unhooked her own bra and Jane's. They kissed again, their tongues dancing like a ranging fire in the wind. Jane broke the kiss and licked between Maura's ample perky breast. She sucked each areola as her olive toned finger trailed across the doctor's taut abs.

Maura pulled Jane up for a quick kiss, when Jane's wandering fingers found Maura's swollen clit. Jane gently teased the bundle of nerves as her warm mouth returned to Maura's hard nipples. When Jane ran her finger across Maura's lips, she doused her fingers in Maura's juices. Quickly she brought them to her lips to taste.

Maura panted her breathing had become uncontrolled and Jane could feel the heat that radiated from her flushed skin. She gasped when Jane stuck two fingers in moving them slow and methodically and before she could inhale Jane caught her lips with her own. "Harder," Maura cried. Jane complied, electrified as she felt Maura's walls grip around her fingers.

"Jane," Maura shouted loud enough to wake the newborn next door. The doctor's body convulsed beneath Jane writhing, bending, and dipping from immense pleasure. The detective kissed Maura again, got up washed her hands and face, and threw a pair of Maura's pajamas on top of her. Jane changed into sleepwear and snuggled under her sheets.

Once Maura had composed herself, she put on the blue silk pajamas she kept at Jane's and wrapped her arms around the slender detective.

"Jane, this doesn't change anything between us," Maura stated matter of factly.

"No, of course not. Why would it? We're adults and we both got what we wanted," Jane replied.

"I don't want a relationship," Maura sighed.

"I know," Jane yawned "Let's not talk about it, Maura," Jane shrugged "We fucked, people fuck, friends fuck, no need for a dissertation."

The knock at the door startled Jane from the memory of their first time, she skated across her hardwood floor, relived to find the blond ME on the other side.

"Thank you for coming," Jane smiled.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews. Reviews equal love. This is my take on Jane and Maura's relationship. I'm not sure if these broads are as Disney as many of us, including myself have written them to be. I mean they are pretty screwed up chicks. **

Maura never intended to stay. In fact she kept repeating, "She's fine, you're leaving" in her head as she swept up shards of glass. Jane cleaned herself up, then changed out her damp clothes into a clean white tee and her Sox pajama pants. When the detective returned to the kitchen, the mess was gone and two mugs of chamomile tea laid waiting on the counter.

"Thanks," Jane whispered into Maura neck. She had engulfed the ME's body in a warm embrace, the heat rapidly rose between them like a thermometer over fire. Jane kissed Maura's neck, then slipped her hands through the top of the gold pajama top.

Maura didn't want to have sex but with Jane it had become an addiction. She leaked if Jane held her waist or she if she felt the detectives warm breath against her neck. No one had made her toes curl, shake and reduced her to inaudible syllables and onomatopoeias, like Jane. She called God, left scratches across Jane's olive tone skin, and she cried. Sex was phenomenal but intense. The case studies she read proved the experience was magnificent because sex between two partners deeply in love has a greater pheromone stimulation and endorphin release. She loved Jane, although she never said, at least not the depths of which she felt it.

Jane hesitated to dial because she knew it would come to this, her head lodged between Maura's perky breast. Jane understood that Maura was an enigma with labyrinths to maneuver and walls to breakdown but she never wanted this. No, not the greatest love her life, reduced to booty calls and pity sex due to night terrors. She wanted Maura to be her wife, shit at least her girlfriend. Unfortunately they would both have to soul search and be honest. Jane would have to admit that she was gay and Maura would have to come to terms she was in love.

"Couch," Jane huskily exhaled. Maura was completely naked, her gold sleepwear wrinkled on the kitchen floor. The ME straddled Jane who carried her to the couch, her smooth, silky alabaster skin against the rough fabric of Jane's clothes.

"Take this off," Maura whispered sternly. Jane slipped off her t-shirt while Maura pulled down her pants. The ME rubbed her wet pussy up Jane's abdomen, settled on her face. Maura licked her fingers, then leaned back and stroked Jane's clit mimicking every flick of the detectives tongue on her own bundle of nerves. She came quick but hard as she dug her nails into the arm of Jane's couch.

Maura dragged her now sopping wet pussy down Jane's abs, re wetting the trail from earlier. She settled between Jane's legs and spread them with her thighs. The bundle of nerves she teased while she rode Jane's face were red, swollen, and prep for her attention. She wrapped her supple lips around it and began to suck as her tongue traced the swollen gland. It wasn't long before, she felt Jane's pelvis jerk up with a cacophonic "Shit, Maura." It was always quick and dirty during a case or a weekday.

They both redressed without a word. Jane realized that they hadn't kissed and planted a long hard one on the ME's lips, when she relaxed under the covers. Maura wrapped her arms around Jane and soon they'd drifted to sleep.

Jane woke up alone, the only remnants of Maura was the fragrance of roses and gardenias which reeked from her side of the bed. Jane reluctantly extricated herself from the comfort of her warm bed out onto the cold wooden floor. She found a note stuck to the bathroom mirror "Went home to change, Breakfast at Mike's."

"You have damn near a wardrobe full of clothes at my place," Jane grimaced as she took the chair across from Maura. The restaurant was full, people buzzed and hummed around the diner as they prepared for the long day ahead.

"I know," Maura whispered. "We need boundaries. I can't keep waking up in your arms or you in mine. Were not…."

"A couple," Jane sighed "Yea I know. I keep believing that one of these days you'll get tired of pretending, riding the fence and admit that you love me."

"You know I love you Jane," Maura winced "I'm not ready for a relationship."

"I know," Jane laughed. "What I don't get, is why you drive in the middle of the night for my bad dreams? You make sure I eat, you make cannolis with my mother, and take shots with my brother and best friends. You are so apart my life, the most important part. Yet I'm so confused, I don't know half the time if you want to be here. I can't do this forever, pretend that this isn't fucked."

"No one's asking you to put on a façade, Jane," Maura grimaced. "You act on free will. Don't make me to be the villain. You're not screaming you love me from the rooftops with a boom box outside my bedroom window. Let's not lose sight of reality, it's not like you've made great strides for something."

"You want a display," Jane grinned. The detective stood on the wooden chair, flashed her badge, and yelled "I don't mean to interrupt your pancakes folks but I just wanted you to know I'm madly in love with this woman." The diner paused for a brief moment, the hum stop but as soon as Jane reseated herself most of the patrons had shrugged her outburst.

"Really, that was uncalled for," Maura grimaced. "Anyone can tell strangers, Jane. Tell the people that matter about us."

"I could say the same for you."

"My parents could care less who I date," Maura sighed.

"You know what I meant. It's concrete, no need for assumptions," Jane chided.

"Eat up, Rizzoli or we'll be late for work," Maura whispered**.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry it took so long for an update. Fall is a busy time especially with midterms coming up. I'll try to do better but no promises. Thank You for the reviews and make sure you keep leaving them because that's how I get paid.**

Jane and Maura placed their issues, in their back pockets, backburners, and back corners of their minds. Work was a safe haven for them, an area of truce, after all the victims and their families could give a shit about their commitment issues. The tension at bay, they gave performances of their former selves.

"I can't lie," Jane scoffed. Her proverbial mask carelessly rested on the passenger seat of her squad car. The day was over, the case was over, and thoughts of Maura overflowed her mind like an unattended pot. "Tonight, I'm going to tell her, after the Robber. It's over," Jane whispered to herself.

"Your late," Korsak yelled as he balanced a beer in his left hand and a dart in his right. "I thought you just went home to change." The Dirty Robber was crowded due to the Celtics game but Frankie, Frost, and Korsak had snagged the "good booth"; the one in perfect sight of a flat screen and next to a dartboard.

"Grant was waiting for me on my stoop, when I got home. We stood in the rain for awhile, so I had to shower," Jane shrugged as she ran her hand through her untamed curls.

"Really, what'd he want," Frost quizzed as he handed out beers?

"To tell me he was leaving for a job in DC, so I guess we'll have a new supervisor," Jane smiled.

"That's all," Frankie prodded. "We all know about your shitty date a few days ago."

"It was a goodbye," Jane shrugged. "Let's not make a big deal out of it. I have the next round."

"Not make a big deal of what, Jane," Maura asked? The doctor had unwittingly startled the group, who had missed her entrance to busy in the conversation and Korsak sub par dart playing.

"Grant's hot and sexy goodbye," Frankie absentmindedly blurted. The moment he uttered the words he wished that he could take them back. No one knew exactly what went on between Maura and Jane but everyone understood it was more than either of them were saying.

"Grant's leaving," Maura coughed taken aback by Frankie's statement.

"Off to DC, it was nothing," Jane said coolly. "I call next Korsak. Where were you, Maura?"

"Yoga," Maura smiled while the color returned to her face. "I'm really tired guys, I'm not sure if I can make it through a game. In fact, I think I'm going to just go home."

"No Dr. Isles you gotta stay. My sister abuses us less, when you're around," Frankie chuckled.

"Plus I ordered you a dirty martini with six olives just how you like it. C'mon Dr. Isles one drink," Frost whined as he flashed he pearly whites. Maura reluctantly took the drink out of the young detectives hand and raised it.

"A toast for Matt," Maura stated.

"A toast for Matt," The group unison.

"And may his evil stepmother forever burn in hell," Jane added.

"Amen to that," Frost sighed.

The game tipped off and soon the table was filled with baskets of wings, mozzarella sticks, onion rings, and empty beer bottles. Maura still plagued with the feeling of jealousy obliged the group until the end of the first quarter before heading home.

As soon as she sat in the driver's seat the tears began to stream down her face. Maura wept for what felt like an eternity but she was sure was only minutes before she push to start her car. After all jealousy is a human emotion and women who are entangled in sexual relationships with uncommitted partners have a 78 percent chance of having the relationship end because of a third party. The guilt of crying conformed itself into a human allowance of reaction. Maura thought she'd prepared herself well for this expected event when she would lose Jane. This emotional outburst was a indication that her efforts were in vain.

Jane toyed with the idea of calling Maura after she left but decided to engross herself in the game. She could smack her little brother for his infamous big and obnoxious mouth but then everyone would question why she would be so upset. "Maura," she could almost taste the Burberry perfume when she said her name.

"Janie," Korsak whistled "You alright you've been staring at the screen mumbling Maura for the past thirty seconds."

"Yea, I'm fine. I just get a little pissed sometimes when Maura get anti-social. We've totally made a lot of concessions for her and I just think it's rude. No one walks out on the case celebration night," Jane coughed.

"Right," Frost squinted.

"Sure that's why you're pissed, Janie," Frankie second. He was going to continue but froze in mid syllable when she shot him the death glare.

" Hey don't sweat it kid. Everybody has an off night," Korsak smiled. "It's not like she chugged her martini and left, she stayed until the first quarter."

"Yea, I know. I need a shot. We needs shots. Four shots of Jameson," She yelled at the nearest waitress.

Maura fed Bass, checked her messages and mail, then heedlessly cast her purple dress and blue overcoat to the floor. She was too tired to draw a bath, so instead she turned on all four shower heads and let the water pulse against her skin. Maura stayed there until her fingers pruned.

What were they doing anyway? "Friends with benefits," she chuckled. Jane had been a better friend than she could imagine and Jane loved her as she was. Still she couldn't bring herself to say yes to another relationship of that gravity. Garret Fairfield had been a faded memory until she received an invitation to the Fairfield's charity gala in two weeks. It would be the first one her old flame would be attending in eight years.

"Garret," she sighed. Maura had a innocent, foolish kind of love and infatuation for the blond haired multi-millionaire. Unfortunately he wanted a wife, not a debutante who still pursued her asinine dreams of becoming a doctor. Jane was no Garrett, the only thing they shared was a confident air.

Her love for Jane came slow and unassuming but it stuck to her ribs like stew. Garret it was quick and intoxicating like a cocaine flame through one's veins. Maura could never imagine loving anyone the way she loved Garrett but she couldn't envision herself loving anyone more than Jane. She just couldn't yes to the risk, to the unknown of another commitment.

Jane bailed halfway through the forth quarter and caught a cab to Maura's. She had enough Irish confidence in her system buzzed but not drunk enough for slurred words or forgotten memories. Jane rehearsed her speech over and over, the cabbie started to say the lines with her. Everything changed as she walked up Maura's cobblestone drive, her speech drifted into the spring breeze. The detective didn't use her key, or the doorbell, but instead banged on the door with closed fist.

Maura opened the door furious, "I hate when you're drunk."

"I'm not drunk, Maura," Jane spat as she walked into the foyer.

"Why didn't you use your key," Maura questioned?

"It's not my key it's yours, not my house and I didn't want to intrude. That's what I am an intruder on your life. I'm intruding on what ever fantasy or dream you've had for you life because you can't envision one with me. I want to believe that it's because I'm not a billionaire or that I didn't get a degree but I know you. Dr. Maura Isles isn't that shallow but she is a scientist. My dumb ass was just another experiment. What was your thesis to see if you could turn me out?," Jane chided.

"You can be cruel when you're drunk," Maura whispered.

"Cruel. I love you more than I ever loved anybody and you know this but you treat me like a cheap trick," Jane scoffed.

"Go to Grant if you want to be somebody's wife. Obviously there is a something going on between you too," Maura spat.

"Please don't tell me your jealous. Fuck Grant. He's not going to be your scapegoat. This morning with your bullshit artist speech, you let me know where things stood. Grant could never have me the way you do. If you'd stayed and talk to me you could've heard verbatim our short conversation. No you bailed, ran, pulled away before we even had a chance to speak. What was that thing about assumptions, Maura," Jane steamed.

"I don't want to argue with you. Nothing ever get's settled by arguing," Maura whispered.

"No let's not talk about it at all, let's just ignore it and sweep it under the rug. Let's wait for a more appropriate time which is never. Fuck me when you want to but next time make sure you leave the money on the dresser," Jane chided. She grabbed the door but Maura grasped her shirt then her arms. She tried to pull away but Maura held her in tight grip.

"Jane," the M.E whispered.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I know it's a little short and sappy. Love, LOVE, REALLY LOVE the feedback. THANK YOU all your wonderful comments. I promise the smut and angst will return promptly but every great relationship ebbs and flows. Keep the reviews comin cuz they keep the lights on.**

"Jane," Maura screamed as she tightened her grip. "I love you more than I have loved anyone or anything on this Earth. Sometimes it hurts to think how much I love you. And I want to be with you, have the white picket fence, and the kids creating the family I know you want. Regardless of what you tell your mother, I see how your face lights up when you see young families in the Common. But I'm broken Jane, in ways that I can't explain. I need you to love me enough to give me some time," Maura whispered.

Jane relaxed in Maura grasped and turned to face the crying ME. She brushed the fallen hair out of Maura's face and kissed her forehead. "I've waited a year for you to say those words to me. A year, Maura. I thought after you'd say it, I would feel better, relieved but I don't. How long have you've been keeping this confession while you let my emotions twist and turn in the wind? I need time, I need space."

"Is this over," Maura whimpered?

"I don't know," Jane shrugged.

Jane trotted to the guest room and collapsed in the bed. Her mind raced but that last shot of whiskey kicked in and eased her tension. Maura crawled in bed next to her and laid her beautiful blond tresses on her chest. Jane wrapped her arms around the slender ME and readjusted her to a more comfortable position. The detective was either too drunk or too sad to protest. Not to mention, neither of them could remember the last time they cuddled not sweaty and exhausted from sex.

"How do we make this work," Maura whispered?

"We don't. This is beyond disrepair," Jane sighed.

"Ok," Maura whimpered. "I'd figured you leave eventually, I thought I'd prepared myself but this is going to be harder than expected."

"Why did you expect me to leave, Maura," Jane quizzed?

"Because eventually everyone leaves," Maura whispered.

Jane didn't respond just held the blond tighter. What could she say? Maura was abandoned by two set of parents and a phantom boyfriend. She didn't even know the phantom's name because Maura always referred to him as her ex back in college. Jane felt she had to stand her ground because she'd bend over backwards for Maura, submitted, and compromised.

"Who do you think I am," Jane whispered breaking the fragile silence?

"What do you mean," Maura quizzed?

"What kind of person do you think I am," Jane reworded.

"Magnificently complex, kind, brash, crude, loving, loyal," Maura smiled.

"There it is loyal," Jane interrupted. "I am the most loyal bad ass motherfucker I know. I'm surprised you haven't berated me for my language."

"Lately it seemed appropriate," Maura shrugged.

"Why of all people would you think I would leave?"

"You are loyal to your friends, your family not in relationships especially sexual ones. You are a notorious cheater and a unapologetic one."

"Well Maur, you're the only person I've slept with for the last eighteen months. We wouldn't have stopped using protection nine months ago if you thought otherwise."

"I know but I see the cheater in other ways. In how you shamelessly flirt with the Diane at the Robber, offer the new young recruits accuracy lessons on their shooting, even Jen downstairs in the coffee shop is always asking about you. I figured we crossed the line and ruined our friendship, it was a matter of time before I was on the chopping block."

"C'mon Maura you're a flirt too. I never said anything about the guy at the softball field, or Brock your creepy yoga instructor, or Kelly at Saks and Rachel at Trader Joe's. Shit a few months ago Rachel asked me for your number to call for a date."

"Did you give it to her. Wait I know, silly question but we are just friends with benefits. Isn't that how you put it so romantically in your toast last Valentine's day."

"Suddenly I feel like maybe this isn't all your fault," Jane laughed. "I didn't realize how we have equally fucked this up."

"I miss when I was your friend instead of your secret," Maura exhaled.

"I miss when I was your friend instead of your addiction," Jane sighed. "Be my friend and hopefully we'll grow out of this damage. No we will grow out of the wreck and be together in a mature, sane, loving, committed relationship and be a model lesbian couple."

"And you will come out to your parents in this process," Maura teased.

"I think they kinda already know," Jane sighed "Can't they just catch us buck naked one day when you remedy my nightmares. I really would rather not have the cheesy Thanksgiving sit down "Mom, Dad, I'm a gay speech"

"I'm a gay," Maura quizzed?

"You know what I mean. Can't we tell them when we get married," Jane shrugged.

"Hey Jane no carriages before the thoroughbred," Maura said.

"You mean no cart before the horse," Jane laughed.

"Whatever, I like mine better. I understand how we feel but I don't want the pressure of expectation. Let just see where this goes and I wouldn't be shocked in awhile we both heard wedding bells. But hold on to your Nonna's wedding ring, Janie."

"Did you just call me Janie, Dr. Isles," Jane screeched.

"I wouldn't have if I knew you were going to make a big deal out of it," Maura laughed.

They talked all night about nothing. For a moment it felt like the days when they first met, when Jane was excited to have her first platonic friend and Maura was able to have a someone understand her idiosyncrasies and except them.

"Jane, the sun's coming up. We have a ten mile run in an hour with our marathon group," Maura cooed.

"Ok. Do I have any clean sweats over here," Jane smiled?

"Jane, I'm shock at the lack of resistance. You hate running especially after an all nighter," Maura quizzed?

"Yea but I love you and for whatever ungodly reason you seem to love running. So where the hell are my under armor running shoes?"

"Let's play hookey today. How bout instead of running; you grab a shower because you smell like stale beer and grease and I make us waffles. We'll lay in bed all day watching_ Facts of Life _episodes, doing crosswords, and catching up on all of our unwatched television saved on the DVR."

"You're joking. I can't remember when you've ever let me off the hook. Oh I'm so basking in this moment." Jane reached in for a quick kiss. "You sure you don't want to join me."

"As of this morning Rizzoli your benefits have been revoked. We're just friends, complicated friends but friends nonetheless." Maura smiled her quintessential Cheshire cat smile and strolled to the kitchen.

"Fuck my life," Jane blurted.

"Language, Rizzoli. Hurry up and shower before I change my mind and we end up sprinting across the Commons."

"The things I do for love," Jane giggled.


End file.
